Death will be easy after this SHAT

Everything is written about love and broken hearts and feelings and emotion. I can freaking understand why now. I have never felt more like an insane person with all the conflicting emotions I have been experiencing within the last couple of days. My boyfriend and I broke up over a month ago, but I think it was really set in stone that we weren't going to eventually get back together when we talked 4 days ago. I sobbed uncontrollably, and now I just cry for a minute or so ever so often. This freaking sucks. I hate this. And I mean HATE. I think that it would be easier if he had just died. I know that sounds crazy, and I probably won't feel this way for very long, but at the moment, yes, this is how I feel. I KNOW its crazy but its almost like I wish something horrible would happen to me because that is the only way he would get his ASS in gear and actually see me again. I wish this had never even happened to me. Its the worst thing EVER.